A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
Thursday, 13 November 2008
Marital Counseling
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
Killzone 2: Beta Impressions
The Killzone 2 multiplayer beta is here! Read on to find out more about the Clan System, Valor Points, and epic Warzone game modes.
Killzone 2's development team insists that their next-gen FPS is essentially two stand-alone games, maintaining that just as many long nights were put into perfecting the game's multiplayer experience as its single player campaign. Whether you and your buddies want to duke it out in an intimate match, or open the floodgates to a mammoth online bloodbath, the decision is left entirely up to you: Killzone 2 supports up to 32 players per match.
Killzone 2's multiplayer matches are rife with customization options. We've browsed through the countless options you can choose from and tried some of them out, but we'd really need at least a week to get a feel for everything possible when piecing together custom matches. And as in Halo 3, once you create a match type you'd like to hang on to, you can save it as one of your custom-made, multiplayer modes.
Killzone 2 has a lot of good things going for its online support, but probably the most unique is the game's intricate clan system, which stands as a new high point for console FPS games. Not only will you be able to form clans, you'll also be able to schedule tournaments in advance (from your PC or PS3) against other clans, and even track your online stats by logging onto Killzone.com. Valor points can also be used by clans to "place bets" on the outcome of online multiplayer matches. The more points you get, the more access you'll have to higher level matches.
We played through all five of the multiplayer game modes. These include: Assassination, where a single player is randomly chosen to either be protected or killed; Body Count, which is your standard team deathmatch mode; Capture and Hold, where you must guard different points in the map to gain points; Search and Retrieve, Killzone 2's flag-less answer to Capture the Flag; and Search and Destroy, where you have to either defend or blow up a machine. Best of all, you can string several of these game types together in one long match to add some variety.
Multiplayer class lineup.
The Badge Guys: Multiplayer Classes
Rifleman: The rifleman does not have any special abilities, like the rest of the seven other classes, but what he lacks in skill he makes up for in firepower. Picking the rifleman will grant you access to more devastating weaponry when assigning your primary and secondary weapons.
Engineer: You can repair damaged war goods such as ammunition crates and auto turrets using the engineer. This class will also allow you to set automated turrets around the map, which target enemy soldiers.
Medic: As its name suggests, the Medic is able to heal and revive teammates. It's always a good idea to have at least one Medic on your side, especially when you anticipate taking heavy damage from the enemy team.
The Scout is a formidable sniper.
Scout: Because of similar armor to that of Solid Snake's "Octocamo," choosing the Scout will allow you to blend into your environment and rendering you virtually invisible to your enemies. The camouflage effect distorts when you move or fire.
Tactician: With the Tactician class, you can toss colored smoke grenades that act as spawn points for teammates. The Tactician can also call for airborne support in the form of a flying sentry robot.
Assault: Choosing the Assault class will give you longer playing time, as this character type is equipped with extra-tough body armor. If you're sick of getting wiped out in milliseconds, consider the Assault class.
Saboteur: The Saboteur class can mimic enemy players. You'll not only look like one of the players on the opposing team, but display the correct name. Once you've breached their perimeter, you can inflict damage in any number of ways.
Killzone 2's multiplayer matches are rife with customization options. We've browsed through the countless options you can choose from and tried some of them out, but we'd really need at least a week to get a feel for everything possible when piecing together custom matches. And as in Halo 3, once you create a match type you'd like to hang on to, you can save it as one of your custom-made, multiplayer modes.
Killzone 2 has a lot of good things going for its online support, but probably the most unique is the game's intricate clan system, which stands as a new high point for console FPS games. Not only will you be able to form clans, you'll also be able to schedule tournaments in advance (from your PC or PS3) against other clans, and even track your online stats by logging onto Killzone.com. Valor points can also be used by clans to "place bets" on the outcome of online multiplayer matches. The more points you get, the more access you'll have to higher level matches.
We played through all five of the multiplayer game modes. These include: Assassination, where a single player is randomly chosen to either be protected or killed; Body Count, which is your standard team deathmatch mode; Capture and Hold, where you must guard different points in the map to gain points; Search and Retrieve, Killzone 2's flag-less answer to Capture the Flag; and Search and Destroy, where you have to either defend or blow up a machine. Best of all, you can string several of these game types together in one long match to add some variety.
Multiplayer class lineup.
The Badge Guys: Multiplayer Classes
Rifleman: The rifleman does not have any special abilities, like the rest of the seven other classes, but what he lacks in skill he makes up for in firepower. Picking the rifleman will grant you access to more devastating weaponry when assigning your primary and secondary weapons.
Engineer: You can repair damaged war goods such as ammunition crates and auto turrets using the engineer. This class will also allow you to set automated turrets around the map, which target enemy soldiers.
Medic: As its name suggests, the Medic is able to heal and revive teammates. It's always a good idea to have at least one Medic on your side, especially when you anticipate taking heavy damage from the enemy team.
The Scout is a formidable sniper.
Scout: Because of similar armor to that of Solid Snake's "Octocamo," choosing the Scout will allow you to blend into your environment and rendering you virtually invisible to your enemies. The camouflage effect distorts when you move or fire.
Tactician: With the Tactician class, you can toss colored smoke grenades that act as spawn points for teammates. The Tactician can also call for airborne support in the form of a flying sentry robot.
Assault: Choosing the Assault class will give you longer playing time, as this character type is equipped with extra-tough body armor. If you're sick of getting wiped out in milliseconds, consider the Assault class.
Saboteur: The Saboteur class can mimic enemy players. You'll not only look like one of the players on the opposing team, but display the correct name. Once you've breached their perimeter, you can inflict damage in any number of ways.
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